It had been one more crazy week and I had run like a headless chicken ticking of my to-dos on my phone diary and not finding one window to breathe...
Come Sunday the first of the charity dinners started...and I suddenly stopped short in the afternoon and told myself..." Sreya wait...when will you have time for yourself if not today? The next few days...weeks and months are going to be crazier...today maybe the ONLY day you may find to just breathe a bit..." And that was the moment...THE moment I not only decided to totally and completely listen to my heart but felt blown away by a strange feeling of freedom...I had set myself free from a lot...I have never felt this liberated in a long time...almost like I was standing in the lashing rains letting it wash away stress worries and cleansing me for a whole new fresh feel...my skin tingled and I laughed and danced through every pore...
I had deadlines to meet too and I also needed my time with the Creator to thank Him for all the days he had given me...and i just needed to walk down the streets feel the air and just feel this new found freedom...I did miss a certain someone while I felt so light and almost ready to fly...but there was a happiness and cosiness in missing too...of feeling loved and being able to love...how beautiful was that?
I for once did not feel guilty and obligated that I was not attending the event I had RSVP-ed for. I was ok for once to be part of the usual 30% that didnt turn up...the world would not stop and the party would not be called off. Some would maybe a bit upset...but that would definitely not last more than 5-10 minutes...and for that I had every right to be "selfish" (thats how its termed for time with self at times right?) and breathe in life for just a few hours...
I am someone who says "yes...of course" to every good cause...every event, invite that I can fit into the 12 sane hours that these events are squeezed in...and then the madness of a juggle with all these " yes I will" and I know I wont change that...but just for some days I will allow myself to play truant...it doesnt set trends...the world is too busy for that...and nothing stops...and from dust to dust we can allow us this feel of fresh dewy wistful fanciful moments...fantasies at times perhaps...magical and intense!
And just as I decided to get away from the "yes I will" to " me time"... there comes a courier all the way from home...from mom...a beautiful dress ,audio CDs, movies and goodies...as the festive season for Bengalis is knocking on the door...I miss my city...so my city comes to me...how lovely can life get? The touch and love of mom ...the lady who I admire and who keeps me rooted ever so often...if I had left I would have missed the courier...some moments are not meant to be missed and so life paves the path and thoughts that are meant to cross our minds...
What was even more of a sign was when after my time with the Creator I decided to just go grocery shopping ( Thats the ONLY form of shopping that excites me after books...some say I shop like a man for clothes and other stuff...I know what I want and just go pick up and thats it or if I see something in a shop window I will walk in and just buy it...why complicate with "going shopping" when its as simple as "am yours just pick me up;))!!!
(I cant loiter much and I cant go shopping with my girlfriends...and they know that!!!) Leave me in a bookstore and I can spend a lifetime...leave me in a wet market or a grocery store I can spend half a lifetime...the colour of fresh vegetables and fruits...the myriad hues of food, fresh meat, fish call out to me...and my fingers itch to get them home and cook up all that I can.
Ok...where was I...yes grocery shopping at Carrefour...and the strangest things happened...at every alley...am NOT kidding...at every alley I met someone I knew and had not connected with in a long time...and among them three dear friends...if these werent signs then what were?
The Universe proves itself again...and again...
And with all this positive energy what happens to the trolley? It gets filled with so much and more! So this week and the days after look like theres going to more than just a whiff from the kitchen...a place which warms my heart always...because cooking to me is a form of love...and savoring good food is as good as making love...the passion of food...the feel of being one with the spices the herbs...almost soul-some...if I may coin the term...
As I lovingly settle all the "ware" into the store and kitchen I finally tell myself its time for a bit of catching up with the workaholic...there are papers to be marked mails to be sent and documents to be sorted...but as I look at another long night am relaxed...at ease...feeling lighter and happy that the me I love got time with itself...the world moves on and wont forget me...
Ubin beckons at the next "time with self"...another place near yet far...if you know what I mean...a walk down the broadwalk through the sea...a walk into the chek jawa stretch and a beer with Doreen and Simon...my friends who no matter how busy find time for me with all their stories and love, when am on the island...
Life is beautiful...we just need to see...just need to love be loved and know in the end what is meant to be will find a way...
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