Am someone who always believes in living for the moment, cherishing every bit of the reality that I have created for myself at that given time, because i have gained and lost much...yet when the intensity of the moment overpowers I question myself... Am I really living in the moment or hoping for something more? When we do hope, do we expect? And when we do expect do we not put ourselves through a waiting...and painfully so at times?
Yet even through these moments of doubt I can never deny that each moment that life brings forth is actually created by me...in some way or the other we do create moments and life in moments...much that there maybe a destiny, stronger and more powerful than we may like to believe we do have a hand in it too...and that is decided by how we live our moments in life...
The last one year has seen a revisit of moments...not just in cherishing them but through deep losses which brought home that feeling of sand through fingers...3 dear friends that were taken away much before their time...moments spent with them flashed across the inner eye and yes there was a cherishing in a strange way. It just took one song on an FM station in India to take me back 10 years and fill me up with a sense of extreme void yet extreme fulfillment, a song that played which was a favourite of D, my friend confidante and guide in more ways than one, who life took just too soon. There was a fulfillment and gratitude, that I did have the chance to meet someone as wonderful, yet the sheer helplessness with the void that his demise had left me with. These are the times , when theres never a way to find a "fine" balance in life...These are times I dont even try to stop the tears...they lessen the burden of the hour and "cleanse" emotions in a strange way and help us realise that its just the ONLY thing we can do...
Yet there was a surprise at the very same moment...the moment brought me close to another part of my past and old friend near...in the strangest way we reconnected and there again was a cherishing of the beauty of life...there wasn't a switching off from the loss but there was a reliving of other parts of the past, and enjoying every drop of joy that the present brought...could I then call this a switch between moments or living in two moments ?Or was it a single moment with different hues?
Moments in life and life in moments...lived, relived, learnt, unlearned, cherished but never regretted...
Every moment in life teaches me something, even if it means experiencing the deepest sorrow or the greatest loss theres always a learning. Strangely the harder the truth the stronger it makes me.Each moment makes me look within...to who I am...
With the clock up there ticking away theres an urgency to live life to the fullest...just for the sheer joy of being alive and being able to recognize the spirit it has...to make wishes, to dream, to thank each day while it passes for being the greatest teacher and to help me see the light...
Theres an urge to live life just as it comes, to see and be enriched by the experience it brings...sometimes in the most unconventional ways...what are conventions anyway if not norms set by someone other than myself? So why follow crazily? Who is there to judge? Those who dont live my life at all? When all is over and I breathe my last its just me that looks back and judges my life if at all...thats all that matters in the end...
Living life to the fullest just to be happy within...thats all that matters in the end...and with the uncertainty of breathing moments in a fast paced world, do we need to count the moments that take our breath away or just count breathing moments...with the latter life may just end sooner...and life will move on for all others even if I have stopped to breathe...
I can never forget me and never stop living and rejoicing in the most exotic enchanting exuberant celebration of all times called LIFE...because in the end the person who will always have time for me and will pat me on my back, hug me hard or make me realise my mistakes, feel happiest or saddest in any moment is me...and sometimes strangely ONLY me...but isn't that the beauty of being?
